Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube
    Nostalgia Central
    • Home
    • Blog
      • Lists
      • Playlists
    • Television
      • Shows by Decade
        • 1950s Television
        • 1960s Television
        • 1970s Television
        • 1980s Television
        • 1990s Television
      • Shows by Genre
        • Comedy
        • Drama
        • Kids TV
        • Variety
        • News & Sport
        • Advertisements
      • Shows by Country
        • UK TV
        • USA TV
        • Australia & NZ TV
        • Canada TV
        • Europe TV
        • Japan TV
      • Shows A to K
        • Shows A
        • Shows B
        • Shows C
        • Shows D
        • Shows E
        • Shows F
        • Shows G
        • Shows H
        • Shows I
        • Shows J
        • Shows K
      • Shows L to Z
        • Shows L
        • Shows M
        • Shows N
        • Shows O
        • Shows P
        • Shows Q
        • Shows R
        • Shows S
        • Shows T
        • Shows U
        • Shows V
        • Shows W
        • Shows X
        • Shows Y
        • Shows Z
      • Shows 0 to 9
    • Music
      • Music by Decade
        • 1950s Music
        • 1960s Music
        • 1970s Music
        • 1980s Music
        • 1990s Music
      • Music A to K
        • Music A
        • Music B
        • Music C
        • Music D
        • Music E
        • Music F
        • Music G
        • Music H
        • Music I
        • Music J
        • Music K
      • Music L to Z
        • Music L
        • Music M
        • Music N
        • Music O
        • Music P
        • Music Q
        • Music R
        • Music S
        • Music T
        • Music U
        • Music V
        • Music W
        • Music X
        • Music Y
        • Music Z
      • Music 0 to 9
      • Genres
      • Music on Film & TV
      • One-Hit Wonders
      • Online Radio
    • Movies
      • Movies by Decade
        • 1950s Movies
        • 1960s Movies
        • 1970s Movies
        • 1980s Movies
        • 1990s Movies
      • Movies by Country
        • UK Movies
        • USA Movies
        • Australia & NZ Movies
        • Canada Movies
        • Europe Movies
        • Japan Movies
      • Movies A to K
        • Movies A
        • Movies B
        • Movies C
        • Movies D
        • Movies E
        • Movies F
        • Movies G
        • Movies H
        • Movies I
        • Movies J
        • Movies K
      • Movies L to Z
        • Movies L
        • Movies M
        • Movies N
        • Movies O
        • Movies P
        • Movies Q
        • Movies R
        • Movies S
        • Movies T
        • Movies U
        • Movies V
        • Movies W
        • Movies X
        • Movies Y
        • Movies Z
      • Movies 0 to 9
    • Pop Culture
      • Fads
      • Toys & Games
      • Fashion
      • Decor
      • Food & Drink
      • People
      • Radio
      • Technology
      • Transport
    • Social History
      • 1950s Year by Year
      • 1960s Year by Year
      • 1970s Year by Year
      • 1980s Year by Year
      • 1990s Year by Year
      • Events
    Nostalgia Central
    Home»Blog
    Blog Toys & Games 4 Mins Read

    Little Golden Books of Barbarous Banality

    Share
    Facebook Twitter Pinterest WhatsApp Reddit Email

    Perusers of supermarket checkout displays will be familiar with the standard arrays of Kit Kats, Who Magazine‘s 100 Most Infuriating People Who Are Already Famous and Little Golden Books. One of their biggest-ever sellers is The Poky Little Puppy. I am unqualified to comment on the puppy’s pokiness, but I’m pretty sold on another Golden Book I found. . .

    On the back it says “We salute the talented authors and artists who create the books”. I couldn’t agree more after reading Barbie: In the Spotlight, a Little Golden Book which is made up of some text and some photographs of a Barbie doll and some other very similar dolls, some of which have pretendy goatees and look to have recently failed a Village People audition.

    Barbie is the star, and she is wearing a black miniskirt, black high-heeled pumps and a faux Chanel jacket.

    If you’re not familiar with the faux Chanel jacket, think Nancy Reagan or any of those emaciated, repulsively wealthy women who look like baby birds with papier-mâché piñata heads. The texture of the fabric is not dissimilar to onsite caravan bumpy upholstery and I think it’s called bouclé.

    Anyway, Barbie is, of course, a television reporter, and she goes to interview a new fashion designer called Kelvin (my guess is his mates Craig and Wingnut for Yves St Laurent will be chartreuse with envy).

    GUESS WHAT: Barbie has to step in and be the model instead of finishing her story. So her sister Skipper steps in and becomes the reporter (which is how most reporters started!).

    Thankfully, Skipper turns out to be Barbie’s sister who had brought two friends, because in the previous pages it had seemed that Barbie was being stalked by a badly dressed cult.

    Skipper wears a matching lime green twin set, miniskirt, and high-heeled shoes with gigantic flat daisies on them. Also, her long blonde hair goes all the way down to her bum and she looks like someone has just this moment sucked all her brains out with a reverse thrust leaf-blower.

    One of the problems with using still photos of posed dolls is that they have no expression on their face whatsoever (At least the Thunderbirds people had feral eyebrows).

    The same lobotomised look can accompany lines such as “How would you advise the United Nations to respond to the Congo situation?”, “Look out, it’s a woman in flat shoes” and “Barbie, your arse is on fire and Ken’s got your head in a bowling bag!”. (Lawyers Note: None of these lines actually appear in any Little Golden Books).

    Every character looks like it has been dressed and designed by a screaming nancy boy who hasn’t taken his lithium. This is disturbing because there is no list of credits and I would very much like to get in touch with that screaming nancy boy and be his new best friend.

    It has certainly whet my appetite for some of the other titles in the Little Golden Book range such as Very Busy Barbie, Trail Blazer Barbie and Barbie: The Big Splash, although not as much as I’d like to see Rather Slovenly Barbie, Unambitious Barbie and Barbie: The Surprisingly Slack Moll. (Lawyers Note: OH MY GOD – See previous advisement).

    I shall certainly be keeping an eye out for the Little Golden Book About God, which I hope will be illustrated with pictures of little magnetised dashboard saints arranged around a balsawood card table for the Last Supper.

    I am also not very happy about the idea of Winnie The Pooh: Eeyore, Be Happy! because it would create a precedent and spawn other ironic literary spin-offs such as Lady Macbeth, Get A Grip! and even Alice Doesn’t Go Anywhere Near A Looking Glass and Gets Her Homework Done!

    Little Golden Books blurb writers suggest the books promote literacy. I simply put to you: is it worth it? Do the ends justify the means?

    . . . and when Barbie says “Reporting on International Fashion Week is so exciting. An assignment like this makes my job interesting”, why doesn’t someone hold her down and snap her arms off?

    Kaz Cooke

    Related Posts

    • Dig Dug
      Dig Dug
      This maze arcade game was developed by Namco in 1981 and released in 1982, licensed and distributed by Atari. The…
    • Action Jackson
      Action Jackson
      The Mego company got its start as an importer of toys and household novelties but in the early 1970s, they…
    • Atari
      Atari
      Californian Nolan Bushnell created a game called Pong in 1971. The following year -  with $250 of his own money and…
    • Hayburners II
      Hayburners II
      Flippers have been an important part of pinball games since they were introduced in 1947 with Humpty Dumpty. Just the…
    • Look-in
      Look-in
      Look-in - promoted as the "Junior TV Times" - was published every Thursday (eventually every Friday) between 1971 and 1994 and…
    • Rubik's Cube
      Rubik's Cube
      Professor Erno Rubik was once an Architecture Professor at the Budapest School of Commercial Art in Hungary. Now, however, he…
    • Argonauts Club, The (1941 - 1972)
      Argonauts Club, The (1941 - 1972)
      Fifty mighty Argonauts, bending to the oars Today will go adventuring to yet uncharted shores Fifty young adventurers today set…
    • Wasteland
      Wasteland
      The gameplay of Warlords (from Interplay) revealed the strong Dungeons & Dragons role-playing influence on the generation of game programmers…

    Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest WhatsApp Reddit Email
    Previous ArticleThe Girls of ‘Carry On’
    Next Article Dapto Leagues Club in the 60s, 70s and 80s

    Comments are closed.

    A Labour of Love

    Nostalgia Central has been a labour of love for me since 1998.

    If you find the site informative or enjoyable, please consider a donation – no matter how small – to help me with the running costs of the site and ensure I can keep Nostalgia Central running for your entertainment and education.

    Thank you so much, and please enjoy your trip in the time machine!
    Follow us
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • YouTube
    You May Also Like
    • Swingers (1996)
      “You’re so money and you don’t even know it.” A […]
    • Night Watch (1973)
      Ellen Wheeler (Elizabeth Taylor) is a troubled woman struggling […]
    • Australia, You’re Standing In It
      1 9 8 3 – 1 9 8 4 (Australia) During the first series […]
    • Kim Wilde
      In the late 70’s, veteran rocker Marty Wilde had the idea […]
    • Texaco Star Theater
      1 9 4 8 – 1 9 5 6 (USA) On 8 June 1948, four singing […]
    • Big Girl’s Blouse
      1 9 9 4 – 1 9 9 5 (Australia) 10 x 25 minute episodes Fast […]
    Comments Box SVG iconsUsed for the like, share, comment, and reaction icons

    OUR LATEST FACEBOOK POSTS

    60 years of Billy Liar: how the Bradford locations have changed today ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    60 years of Billy Liar: how the Bradford locations have changed today

    theb.fi

    Not everything is at it seems about the shooting locations for this classic story of a Yorkshire daydreamer.
    3 days ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 7
    • Shares: 2
    • Comments: 1

    Comment on Facebook

    “I’ll tell you what Charlie, there’s always been a Holroyd at Holroyd’s mill and by god there always will be” Love this film.

    www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-65006801 ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    Terry Hall: Coventry scooter ride-out pays tribute to singer

    www.bbc.co.uk

    Hundreds of people ride through Coventry on what would have been the singer's 64th birthday.
    1 week ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 12
    • Shares: 2
    • Comments: 0

    Comment on Facebook

    metro.co.uk/2023/03/13/the-whos-roger-daltrey-thinks-theres-no-point-releasing-an-album-18434779/ ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    The Who's Roger Daltrey thinks there's 'no point' releasing another album

    metro.co.uk

    Bad luck.
    2 weeks ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 1
    • Shares: 0
    • Comments: 0

    Comment on Facebook

    www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-64963359 ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    Sir Michael Caine's first Rolls Royce sells at Duxford for £120K

    www.bbc.co.uk

    The Italian Job actor hired a chauffeur to drive the 1968 Silver Shadow, with its doors still intact.
    2 weeks ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 3
    • Shares: 0
    • Comments: 0

    Comment on Facebook

    www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-64900348 ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    Mystic Meg: Astrologer dies aged 80

    www.bbc.co.uk

    The TV star, whose real name was Margaret Lake, was a well-known TV figure in the 1990s.
    2 weeks ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 1
    • Shares: 0
    • Comments: 1

    Comment on Facebook

    Do you think she know it eas going to happen

    PlayTalk Teletext (1976) | BFI Replay

    Talk Teletext (1976) | BFI Replay ... See MoreSee Less

    3 weeks ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 8
    • Shares: 2
    • Comments: 0

    Comment on Facebook

    Gary Rossington: Lynyrd Skynyrd's last founding member dies aged 71.
    ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    Gary Rossington: Lynyrd Skynyrd's last founding member dies aged 71

    www.bbc.co.uk

    Guitarist Gary Rossington had survived a 1977 air crash that killed several of his bandmates.
    3 weeks ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 2
    • Shares: 0
    • Comments: 1

    Comment on Facebook

    What a talented man. Lucky enough to see original band in concert. BRILLIANT.

    Rest in peace Dickie Davies. An absolute giant of British sports broadcasting.

    ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    Dickie Davies, World of Sport presenter, dies at 94

    www.theguardian.com

    The broadcaster became something of a cult figure after fronting the ITV show for 20 years
    1 month ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 4
    • Shares: 1
    • Comments: 1

    Comment on Facebook

    Yes, one of the great presenters. R.I.P.

    For fans of the radio series Round The Horne (1965 - 1968) - starring the inimitable Kenneth Williams - there are several full episodes on Spotify. Some of the humour is still pretty close to the edge, even by modern standards. Bona! 

https://open.spotify.com/show/7DIM1wfGKwDis0uzsjHeP7?si=pG0_U0TjRKGzVDvrePs4vA

    For fans of the radio series "Round The Horne" (1965 - 1968) - starring the inimitable Kenneth Williams - there are several full episodes on Spotify. Some of the humour is still pretty "close to the edge", even by modern standards. Bona!

    open.spotify.com/show/7DIM1wfGKwDis0uzsjHeP7?si=pG0_U0TjRKGzVDvrePs4vA
    ... See MoreSee Less

    1 month ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 12
    • Shares: 1
    • Comments: 2

    Comment on Facebook

    For those interested, the complete “Jules and Sandy” is available on Audible…

    Bona to vada your jolly old eek. Lovely riah....

    RIP the beautiful Stella Stevens, who has died at the age of 84.

    ... See MoreSee Less

    Link thumbnail

    Stella Stevens: Nutty Professor and Poseidon Adventure star dies at 84

    www.bbc.co.uk

    The co-star of Elvis Presley also worked in TV on series such as Murder She Wrote and Magnum, P.I.
    1 month ago
    View on Facebook
    · Share
    Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on Linked In Share by Email
    View Comments
    • Likes: 0
    • Shares: 0
    • Comments: 0

    Comment on Facebook

    Load more
    Please note


    Nostalgia Central covers the period 1950 to 1999 and contains some words and references which reflect the attitudes of those times and which may be considered culturally sensitive, offensive or inappropriate today.
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • YouTube
    Search Nostalgia Central
    Tag Cloud
    Action Figures Amicus Arcade games Australia Beach movies Beatles Blaxploitation Board games British Invasion Britpop Bubblegum music Canada Civil rights Cold War Computer games Crime Disc Jockeys Disco Disney Doo-Wop Elvis Presley Folk rock Girl groups Glam Goth Hammer Heavy Metal Irwin Allen James Bond JFK Kraütrock Labels Madchester Merseybeat Mod revival Motown New Romantic New Wave New Zealand Nixon Northern Soul NWOBHM Oi! One-hit wonders Politics Power Pop Prog rock Pub rock Punk Radio Reggae Rolling Stones Scotland Ska Ska revival Skiffle Soul music Space Race Sport Surf music Video games Vietnam war
    Copyright © 1998, 2023 Nostalgia Central. Run by volunteers. Funded by donations.
    • About Nostalgia Central
    • Contact
    • FAQ

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.