Heartbeeps (1981)

Val (Andy Kaufman) – short for Valcom-17485 – and Aqua (Bernadette Peters) – short for Aquacom-89045 – are two servant robots (he programmed as a valet and she as a hostess-companion) who meet at the robot repair facility and start to develop feelings for each other.

Having fallen in love, they decide to escape from the robot repair facility and attempt to start a family of their own, with their “son” Philco (with a voice provided by the guitar playing of Jerry Garcia of The Grateful Dead), a little robot they built out of spare parts (he gets his name from the truck radio that is part of his body).

They set off in search of “useful data” to explore the vast redwood forest surrounding the repair facility. For Aqua, it means a chance to explore and analyse the human tendencies that have been programmed into her (for her function as a hostess-companion robot).

They slide into all-too-human domestic roles, with Val demanding to know why Phil has wandered off and Aqua telling him not to yell at the little robot, or Phil’s “circuitry might get confused.”

They are accompanied by Catskil-55602, an entertainer robot (voiced by Jack Carter) that resembles a cross between George Burns and Henny Youngman, sitting on a tread-mounted steamer trunk.

He speaks only in one-liners, punctuated by a drum roll, raised eyebrows, and a puff on his cigar.

Crimebuster-00719 (voiced by Ron Gans) is a mobile tank-like arsenal with confused circuitry who believes it is his mission to find and capture or destroy our happy “family” of robots.

Crimebuster is a dedicated cop-robot who rides through the forest singing America the Beautiful and shooting at anything that moves – and some things that don’t (like tree stumps).

Phil is a typical inquisitive “kid” who can’t stay out of trouble. He likes to play with rabbits and raccoons and generally looks in bright-eyed wonderment at the events going on around him.

Phil and Catskil are especially close, mainly because Phil laughs at the comedian’s jokes. Catskil acts as Phil’s uncle, spoiling him with gifts and “robotsitting” while Val and Aqua explore the functions of their “pleasure centres.”

And, of course, when the computer chips are down, it’s Catskil who sacrifices his power pack so that little Phil can live.

Heartbeeps is implausible most of the time, but what fairy tale isn’t? Val and Aqua aren’t very convincing robots, and Crimebuster obviously could never replace a human police officer, but a willing suspension of disbelief is a key ingredient in all fairy tales.

The movie occasionally degenerates into tiresome silliness, and the humans, portrayed by the usually good Randy Quaid and Kenneth McMillan, appear entirely out of place and uncomfortable in their roles as robot maintenance men.

Stan Winston created the robot makeup designs, but the film lost out on the Best Makeup Oscar to An American Werewolf in London.

Universal Pictures gave Andy Kaufman a blank cheque to make this film after focus group testing indicated that children liked robots, apparently in the wake of R2-D2 and C-3PO.

The movie was so poorly received at the box office (it grossed only 20% of its budget) that the studio scrapped Kaufman’s proposed The Tony Clifton Story, about the life and times of the comedian’s alter ego.

Val (Valcom-17485)
Andy Kaufman
Aqua (Aquacom-89045)
Bernadette Peters
Charlie
Randy Quaid
Max
Kenneth McMillan
Susan
Melanie Mayron
Calvin
Christopher Guest
Factory Boss
Richard B. Shull
Factory Watchman (Walter)
Dick Miller
Helicopter Pilot
Kathleen Freeman
Party House Owner
Mary Woronov
Party Guest
Paul Bartel
Party Guest
Ann Wharton
Catskil-55602
Barry Diamond
Catskil-55602 (voice)
Jack Carter
Firing Range Technician
Stephanie Faulkner
Party Butler Robot
Jeffrey Kramer
Party Maid Robot
Irene Forrest
Party Maid Robot
Karsen Lee Gould
Forklift Driver Robot
David LeBell
Phil (guitar/voice)
Jerry Garcia
Crimebuster-00719 (voice)
Ron Gans

Director
Allan Arkush

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