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    Nostalgia Central
    Home»Movies»Movies by Decade»Movies - 1970s
    Movies - 1970s Movies - A 4 Mins Read

    Alvin Purple (1973)

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    “The problem is, I just can’t seem to avoid sex.”

    This amiable sex farce follows the exploits of a young Australian man (Graeme Blundell) who – for reasons not stated in the movie – women find completely irresistible.

    Alvin Purple is a seemingly regular guy who stirs utterly boundless lust in the loins of women – ALL women. They are powerless to resist his charms, and he can’t escape the armies of lust-crazed women who need to use him to satisfy their depraved desires.

    Alvin Purple is from the Benny Hill school, with flocks of crazed, uniformed schoolgirls on bikes chasing our hero on his bike, with a musical accompaniment not a thousand miles from the actual Benny Hill theme.

    In another chase scene, the wife of Alvin’s teacher (Jill Forster) appears and gives him a ride back to her place, where bonking is once more the order of the day.

    Alvin is supposed to be 16 at this point (even though he looks about 30), but he’s still equipped to satisfy Mrs Horwood – although she does comment, “you’re a big boy for your age”.

    After reminiscing for a while over Alvin’s youth we are transported to the present day (1973). Alvin is now 21 and a waterbed salesman. Alvin’s friend does presentations for the public while Alvin does the at-home demonstrations (you can see where this is heading, right?).

    The heavy “customer contact” is wearing Alvin out, and he confides in his friend Tina (Elli Maclure) and ends up seeking psychiatric help in an effort to straighten out his predicament.

    Seeing an analyst turns out to simply add to his problems though – First Alvin visits Dr Liz Sort (Penne Hackforth-Jones) who tells him he needs someone on whom he can “lavish the full extent of his emotional reservoir” and that he needs to learn that he can do things other than sex with women, thereby keeping his fluid reservoir dammed up.

    The two become friends, and Dr Sort successfully conditions him, turning him into a sort of ‘Pavlov’s Alvin’ who runs around the block or takes a cold shower whenever he feels any sexual inclination.

    Her training inevitably backfires when Alvin won’t bonk her, so she ends up blackmailing him and attempting to make his life a misery.

    Alvin then seeks help from Dr McBurney (George Whaley), who sees a way to exploit Alvin’s talents in a way that will be profitable to both of them.

    Alvin ultimately realises that he loves Tina, his platonic friend who has been there for him all along. It’s not a total epiphany, but Alvin realises that sex without love, while fun, is still empty, and he follows Tina to the nunnery she’s run away to.

    Here he becomes the gardener and a changed man . . . or is he?

    The talented cast of actors tries hard to keep the thin material afloat, and the movie spawned two sequels – Alvin Rides Again (1974) and Melvin: Son of Alvin (1984) as well as an Australian TV series, also titled Alvin Purple (1976).

    alvinpurple_364

    Alvin Purple
    Graeme Blundell
    Tina Donovan

    Elli Maclure
    Spike Dooley

    Alan Finney
    Dr McBurney

    George Whaley
    Dr Liz Sort

    Penne Hackforth-Jones
    Alvin’s Father

    Fred Parslow
    Alvin’s Mother
    Valerie Blake
    Samantha
    Kris McQuade
    Patience
    Eileen Chapman
    Mrs Warren
    Stan Monroe
    Kinky Lady

    Shara Berriman
    Roger Hattam

    Gary Down
    Ed Cameron
    Peter Aanensen
    Agnes Jackson
    Jenny Hagen
    Mrs Horwood

    Jill Forster
    Mr Horwood
    Dennis Miller
    Miss Guernsey
    Jan Friedl
    Mrs Phipps
    Barbi Taylor
    Peggy
    Christine Amor
    Shirley
    Dina Mann
    Kinky Lady
    Shara Berriman
    Girl in see-through blouse
    Abigail
    First sugar girl
    Lynette Curran
    Second Sugar Girl
    Jacki Weaver
    Woman with Pin
    Anne Pendlebury
    Newsreader
    Danny Webb
    Liz’s Lawyer
    Jon Finlayson
    Alvin’s Lawyer
    John Smythe
    Judge

    Noel Ferrier
    Court Clerk
    Brian Moll
    Foreman of Jury
    Lynne Flanagan
    Cabdriver
    Peter Cummins
    Girl in Blue Movie
    Debbie Nankervis
    Woman in Blue Movie
    Elke Neidhart
    Leader of Angry Husbands
    Les James
    Tina’s Boss
    Bill Bennett
    First Nun
    Clare Balmford
    Second Nun
    Sally Conabere
    Mother Superior
    Carole Skinner

    Director
    Tim Burstall

    Video

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