Home Movies by Decade Movies - 1970s If You Don’t Stop It . . . You’ll Go Blind!!! (1975)

If You Don’t Stop It . . . You’ll Go Blind!!! (1975)

A fast-moving compendium of crude sketches, the film essentially just adds moving images to a series of old recycled ribald one-liners, with most jokes lasting less than a minute.

Most of the cast are unknowns, although busty Swedish model Uschi Digard appears, as does second-rate Hollywood funnyman Pat McCormick.

There are lots of naked ladies and the sketches are clearly filmed to appeal to heterosexual males (so women are largely portrayed as conniving, horny, or stupid – or all of the above).

A man runs screaming down a hospital hallway followed by a nurse carrying a metal pot while a nearby doctor exclaims, “Nurse Owens, I told you to prick his boil!”; a gay man at a clinic complains that sex is “a pain in the ass”; a man in an elevator says to the woman ahead of him, “Ballroom, please” to which she replies, “Sorry, I didn’t realise I was crowding you”.”

The overall effect is exhausting – and the less said about the closing musical number, Don’t Fuck Around With Love, the better.

The sequel – Can I Do it Till I Need Glasses? (1977) – was even worse but received some publicity because it featured Robin Williams in two sketches for all of about five minutes: The tale of Little Red Riding Hood culminates with Red lamenting that the Big Bad Wolf wants to eat her: “Jesus,” she wails, “doesn’t anybody like to fuck anymore?”; a guy walks into an IRS office wearing only a barrel, then walks out naked; a husband answers his doorbell, greets a rapist, and calls to his wife, “Honey, it’s for you”; a lengthy vignette featuring “The Lone Stranger and Pronto” revolves around Pronto’s realisation that he must suck the poison from Kimosabe’s rattlesnake wound – which is located on the masked man’s penis . . .

Big Al / Bellboy / Busy Waiter
George Spencer
Guy Rescuing Captive Girl
Patrick Wright
Woman with Big Appetite / TV Jack-Pot Contestant
Jane Kellem
Man With Woman with Big Appetite
Richard Stuart
Hilton Banks
Garth Pillsbury
Morris Goldberg / Fruit Peddler
Herb Graham
Alan Sinclair
Game Show MC
Lew Horn
Priest at Hospital / Judge
Albert Lord
Nurse Owens
Jackie McCall
Lou Lastfinger
Moe Baker
Angry Loudmouth
Deborah Klose
William Morris Agent
Barry Cooper
Milk Bartender
Russ Marin
Bearded Seminar Moderator
Leon Charles
Old Lady
Ina Gould
Chauffeur / Janitor
Mel Davis
Uschi Digard
Awards MC
Pat McCormick
Thelma Pelish

Keefe Brasselle
Bob Levy