This 1972 British comedy film is the third film spin-off from the TV series Up Pompeii! (the previous film being Up the Chastity Belt (1971) set in the Middle Ages which followed on from the Up Pompeii film).
Directed by Bob Kellett and set during World War I, it stars Frankie Howerd as Lurk, a lowly servant at the stately Twithampton House, the household of Lord and Lady Twithampton (William Mervyn and Linda Gray).
Life is far from easy for Lurk under the scrutiny of the sex-mad butler, Groping (Bill Fraser), but with all this talk of war in the air – and coming as he does from a long line of cowards – Lurk feels that his family’s honour is at stake.
There was Ethelurk the Unavailable, hanged, drawn and quartered for cowardice . . . Cavalier Lurk, banished for refusing to join the King’s Colours (he said he was waiting until they got around to yellow) . . . Colonel Cyril Craven-Lurk of the Coldfeet Guards, drummed out, cashiered and personally smacked on the wrist by the Duke of Marlborough . . . Lieutenant Algernon Lurk, the six-hundred-and-first member of the Light Brigade, who rode out of the Valley of Death as the gallant six hundred rode in . . . by gad, sir, what a family record to inspire any man!
Even when the heir of Twithampton has the servants marshalled so that he can pressure them into volunteering, Lurk sticks to his guns (or, rather, runs away from them) by steadfastly refusing to join up. Fanny, the oversexed housemaid (Madeline Smith), contemptuously gives him a white feather. It is by no means the first he has received.
But a cruel and relentless fate has something terrible in store for our poor poltroon when he goes to a show that evening to see the Great Vincento, the Patriotic Hypnotist (Stanley Holloway).
Lurk comes under the influence of the hypnotist, who has himself already come very much under the influence of strong drink. Vincento has just succeeded in making Lurk believe that he alone can save England from utter disaster when the great man passes out, leaving his victim still hooked on the idea.
Fortified by this dose of hypnotic Dutch courage, Lurk volunteers for active service and travels to the Western Front to “save England” – only to find himself under the command of his old tormentor, Groping, from Twithampton House, who has managed to wangle the rank of Sergeant Major.
But Lurk is inspired to bravery, and upon receiving the German master plan for the entire war – which has, through an unlikely series of events, been tattooed onto his posterior – is pursued across France by German intelligence.
After breaking into the British military headquarters to deliver the plans into the hands of General Burke (Robert Coote), he is confronted by the sensuous German spy Mata Hari (Zsa Zsa Gabor).
After foiling Mata Hari’s scheme to relieve him of the plan, a hilarious scene develops in which he is pursued by the nefarious Von Gutz (Lance Percival) and his henchmen Donner and Blitzen (Gertan Klauber and Stanley Lebor).
Accompanied by the Can-Can, performed by the Famous Buttercup Girls, Lurk is pursued around the Allied headquarters.
Finally, disguised as a tree, he is able to present the plans to General Burke and receives a medal of honour and a promotion. He is therefore able to win the love of his beloved Fanny (Madeline Smith) and defeat the machinations of the wicked Sgt. Major Groping.
Bob Hoskins (in his big-screen debut) appears briefly as a recruiting sergeant.
Private Lurk
Frankie Howerd Sergeant Major Groping
Bill Fraser Lord Twithampton
William Mervyn Lady Twithampton
Linda Gray Nigel Phipps Fortescue
Jonathan Cecil Fanny
Madeline Smith Mallett
Nicholas Bennett Newsboy
Mike Grady Cora Crumpington
Dora Bryan The Great Vincento
Stanley Holloway Velma
Veronica Clifford Von Gutz
Lance Percival Recruiting Sergeant
Bob Hoskins Von Kobler
Peter Bull Muller
Vernon Dobtcheff Captain Hamburger
Ingo Mogendorf Donner
Gertan Klauber Blitzen
Stanley Lebor Coporal Lovechild
Percy Herbert Midgeley
David Battley Monique
Hermione Baddeley Frou Frou
Bozena Mata Hari
Zsa Zsa Gabor Her Maid (Magda)
Patricia Quinn General Burke
Robert Coote El Puncturo
Derek Griffiths
Director
Bob Kellett
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Life is far from easy for Lurk under the scrutiny of the sex-mad butler, Groping (Bill Fraser), but with all this talk of war in the air – and coming as he does from a long line of cowards – Lurk feels that his family’s honour is at stake.
But Lurk is inspired to bravery, and upon receiving the German master plan for the entire war – which has, through an unlikely series of events, been tattooed onto his posterior – is pursued across France by German intelligence.
Accompanied by the Can-Can, performed by the Famous Buttercup Girls, Lurk is pursued around the Allied headquarters.
