Groupies

Once upon a time, there were girls (and occasionally guys) who took pride in the mere act of bedding rock stars. Some of them even became celebrities in their own right and honed this ability to a fine art.

There was one beautiful long lithe chick from New York. Lilly, with her enormous dyed bubble head and enormous dark glasses, who had been to Los Angeles to visit The Doors and been to London to live with The Stones.

There was Cindy and Morgan who lived in San Francisco and made clothing for the groups – and don’t you know those fittings got pretty intimate.

In LA there were the GTO’s (Girls Together Outrageously) – Miss Christine, Miss Lucy, Miss Pamela, Miss Sandra, Miss Sparkie, Miss Cynderella and Miss Mercy (pictured above) – a gaggle of groupies who had a card printed up that they gave to groups.

They wrote torrid poetry about their rock and roll conquests, and – under the twisted direction of Frank Zappa – released two albums. To call them a band gives them more musical credit than they would ever deserve – more like a blare of strumpets.

Some groupies even turned their experiences into art, like the legendary penis-sculpting Cynthia Plaster Caster and the Plaster Casters of Chicago (pictured below) and the groupies’ answer to Uncle Remus, the infamous Cherry Vanilla and Miss Pamela Des Barres.

The book Groupie, written by Jenny Fabian and Johnny Byrne and published by Mayflower Books in 1970, told, in a semi-documentary fashion, how a London girl rose to the highest ranks of groupiedom. Fabian and Byrne thinly disguised the identities of various groups and individuals encountered, but their real identities shone through nonetheless.

In Groupie, Fabian and Byrne described how groupies would often work their way up to the artist of their choice, starting off on the lowest rung, with a roadie.

One of Britain’s weekly pop papers in the 1970s told the tale of an American groupie who hitchhiked 500 miles to a gig with the sole intention of bedding the drummer of a band.

Arriving at the gig she had neither money nor a ticket, and in order to get to the dressing room, she gave her favours to the car park attendant, a hot dog vendor, two security guards, three roadies, a publicist and a driver.

Unfortunately, this had all been rather a waste of time and energy, for she discovered “that her idol thrashed his drums with limp wrists and preferred to take a mincing walk on the wild side”.

These days everyone has to hide behind some kind of bogus career motive and the clothes aren’t as good . . .

Groupie glossary (Circa 1968 – 1974)

Poxy: Physically repulsive
Making Piggies: Sexual intercourse
Slaggy: Low-life groupie
Wank-off: To masturbate
Dosed-up: Having contracted a venereal disease
Creamies: Reference to the physical properties of venereal disease
Hang on the wall: Wait around for some action with a rock star
Freak scene: Sexual orgy
Roadies: The band’s assistants (or “road crew”) – often privy to “sloppy seconds”