Inside you there’s a wacky, zany and crazy character just bursting to get out – but your problem is poor eyesight, and an aversion to contact lenses means you’re forced to wear glasses.
And they, unfortunately, give you an air if unwanted and studious respectability.
Not to worry though – all you have to do to unleash your madcap personality is to super-size those spectacles!
In the 1980s, all it took to appear completely bonkers was a pair of huge specs. Or outrageous specs. Or better yet, huge outrageous specs. Elton John had been doing it for a while. So had Dame Edna. But in the mid-80s the fashion really took hold.
You couldn’t turn on the telly without being confronted by a glasses-wearer sporting jumbo frames.
There was Timmy Mallett, Mark Curry, Christopher Biggins, Ken Morley, Su Pollard, DJ Mike Read, weatherman Ian McCaskill and snooker player Dennis Taylor . . . all wearing extra-large bins. And the public loved them. Especially Taylor, who was so blind he didn’t even know he was wearing his glasses upside down! How mad is that?
Eventually the fad died out and people started wearing normal specs again – notwithstanding a sudden and inexplicable minor comeback in the new millennium, thanks to another breed of crazy person – the footballer’s wife.