Apple, The (1980)

In the (future) year of 1994, Alphie (George Gilmour) and Bibi (Catherine Mary Stewart) – two sweet, naive youths from Moose Jaw, Canada – travel to America to compete in the Worldvision Song Festival.

Although the pair have talent, they are beaten by the underhanded tactics of the festival favourites, another duo with the backing of Boogalow International Music (BIM) run by a satanic tycoon named Boogalow (Vladek Sheybal).

But Bibi and Alphie are soon delighted to hear that Boogalow (representing the devil) has taken an interest in their nauseatingly sweet love songs and wants to sign them to his label.

Bibi (representing Eve) goes along with the temptation (the apple) while Alphie (representing Adam) does not. But all is well in the end thanks to Mr Topps (representing God), a pipe-smoking Mercedes owner from the sky (played by Joss Ackland).

The wounded plot limps along – accompanied by astonishingly clumsy dialogue, relentlessly bland music, graceless choreography and ludicrous production numbers – moving numbly, like a sleepwalker, to an apocalyptic showdown in which the chosen ones turn out to be old hippies who live in caves underneath a bridge.

One of the worst musical films of all time, The Apple features the only screen appearance of leading man George Gilmour. Hardly surprising, really.

Catherine May Stewart lip-synched all her songs to the singing voice of Mary Hylan.

The film was predominantly shot in Berlin, West Germany, and a large number of extras and background artists were cast from the American High School in the city.

Incomprehensibly, Israeli director Menahem Golan (who also wrote the screenplay and co-produced) was actually convinced his film was going to be a huge hit. When it was booed during its premiere at the 1980 Montreal Film Festival – some members of the audience even threw things at the screen – he apparently left the cinema and returned to his hotel with the intention of committing suicide until his business partner intervened.

The film was a box office flop and received unanimously terrible reviews.

Oh, keep an eye out for Miriam Margolyes as Alphie’s Landlady(!)

Bibi
Catherine Mary Stewart
Mary Hylan (singing voice)
Alphie
George Gilmour
Pandi
Grace Kennedy
Dandi
Allan Love
Mr Topps/Hippie Leader
Joss Ackland
Boogalow
Vladek Sheybal
Shake
Ray Shell
Landlady
Miriam Margolyes
Bulldog
Derek Deadman
James Clark
Michael Logan
Joe Pittman
George S. Clinton
Vampire/Star Rock/Boogalow’s Receptionist/Keyboard Player in ‘BIM’ Band
Francesca Poston
Ashley
Leslie Meadows
Fatdog
Günther Notthoff
Clark James
Clem Davies
Jean Louis
Kobi Recht

Director
Menahem Golan

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