Pandemonium (1987)

Not to be confused with the 1982 American movie of the same name, this Australian film –  which owes a great debt to both John Waters and Roger Corman (with a nod to the Rocky Horror Picture Show) – has something to insult or assault the sensibilities of just about everyone.

Left to die in the desert as a baby and raised by wild dingos, a topless Dingo Girl (played by well-endowed former Australian Playboy Playmate of the Year Amanda Dole) emerges on Bondi Beach to search for her parents and meets building surveyor Kales Leadingham (David Argue), who falls in love with her (and narrates the film).

She soon finds herself in the clutches of deranged film director E B De Woolf (Esben Storm) and his crippled wife (Arna-Maria Winchester), who happens to be her evil mother.

A mishmash of exhibitionism, crudity, nudity, vulgarity and cheap thrills, much of the action takes place at a disused Bondi movie studio and amusement arcade called Babylon.

Just about everyone wants to have sex with the virginal Dingo Girl, from her lecherous filmmaking stepfather to an accountant who is transformed into a small-dicked ape-man (Pete Smith).

Even the little Adolf Hitler clone (Ashley Grenville) – heir to the next phase of the Nazi regime who happens to have a nose that constantly expands like a demented Pinocchio – is being groomed to marry her in order to continue the Aryan race.

There are twin Nazi lesbian vampires, an Aboriginal who may be the Holy Ghost himself, impromptu song and dance numbers, exploding heads, a crucifixion, dancing midgets in koala costumes . . . and the few characters that don’t want to bed the Dingo Girl want her dead, believing her to be a female messiah who must be slain in a sacrificial ceremony.

A character called Dr Doctor (played by the film’s director, Haydn Keenan) makes an “AIDS-free” clone of himself for some reason and later feeds the clone’s decapitated head to zombies.

It’s hopelessly indulgent, completely bonkers, and so “what the fuck?” chaotic that it’s actually difficult to watch. Shot on a budget of $700,000 using recycled sets from other current Australian productions (including Les Patterson Saves The World), the film made its money back overseas – primarily in Japan, where they loved it.

Ignatius Jones, the lead singer from Aussie band Jimmy and The Boys, appears in a number of small roles.

Kales Leadingham/Ding the Dingo
David Argue
Dingo Girl
Amanda Dole
E B De Woolf
Esben Storm
P B De Woolf
Arna-Maria Winchester
Detective Sgt Dick Dickerson
Lex Marinos
Twins
Rainee Skinner
Kerry Mack
Mr David
Ian Nimmo
Little Adolph/The Paperboy
Ashley Grenville
Morticia
Mercia Deane-Johns
Morticia’s Mirror
Helen Simons
The Count
Henk Johannes
Peter Kong
Pete Smith
The Holy Ghost
Gary Foley
Dr Doctor/Adrian
Haydn Keenan
Director/Marriage Celebrant/Auctioneer
Ignatius Jones
Marvo the Magician
Greg Ham
Marvo’s Assistant
Toots Wostry
Mother Witness
Kate Reid
Father Witness
Robert Kewley
Child Witness
Rupert Reid
Police Constable Bacon
Robyn Gibbes
Nazi Leader
Gary McFeeter
Little Nazis/Koala Bears
Marc Colombani
Stevie George
Lynelle Boyd
Brian Davis
Ian Thornley
Sybilla Cooksey
Zombie Bartender
George Lazarides
Le Club Zombie Dancers
Richard Talonga
Bridgit Gay
Delores Scott
Silvia Blanco
Bernadette Walong
S.W.A.T. Squad
Brian Ellison
Ian Strutt
Rick Anderson
Spike Cherrie
Robert Simper
Muscle Woman
Mandy Wagstaff
Girl at Bus Stop
Sharon Cook
Skull Suck Girl
Dana Auzins

Director
Haydn Keenan

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