Freaked (1993)

Like a cross between Monty Python and MTV, Freaked was co-written and directed by Alex Winter, who starred as Bill S. Preston in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991).

Randy Quaid plays freak show proprietor Elijah C. Skuggs, who captures insufferable young teen heartthrob actor Ricky Coogan (also Alex Winter) and his cohorts, Julie (Megan Ward) and Ernie (Michael Stoyanov) and turns them into his newest attractions, using a highly toxic fertiliser known as Zygrot-24 (made by the evil Everything Except Shoes corporation).

Ricky is transformed into a revolting creature – half-jerk, half-beast. Julie (a sloganeering feminist-environmentalist) and Ernie (a sexist dope) are Siamese-twinned.

Most of the film’s $12 million budget was spent on visual effects.  and the makeup people clearly had tremendous fun fashioning all the supporting mutants, especially the Worm (pince-nez spectacles seem the perfect accessory for a human annelid) and Nosey (let’s face it, a man-sized schnozz is going to have a few unsightly hairs).

Sockhead (voiced by Bobcat Goldthwait) resembles a frantic reject from The Muppet Show, and big bad A Team star Mr T looks quite comfortable as that ubiquitous carny fixture, the bearded lady.

Other specimens in the freakshow menagerie include a bovine “Cow-boy” (John Hawkes), the flatulent “Eternal Flame” (Lee Arenberg), Rastafarian security guards Eye ‘n’ Eye (Michael Gilden and Joseph S. Griffo) and a dog-faced boy named Ortiz (Keanu Reeves in an uncredited appearance for which he was paid $1 million).

The freaks play Hollywood Squares, dress up as milkmen and plot to thwart Skuggs’ evil scheme. It’s all very noisy and rambunctious.

The story is told in flashback as Ricky gives an interview to vapid talk show host Skye Daley (Brooke Shields), and the film’s climax is interrupted by a lame commercial parody. But there’s something to be said for a movie in which the Toad Man (Jaime Cardriche) eats bunnies whole and reads the National Review.

Skye Daley
Brooke Shields
Dick Brian
William Sadler
Ricky Coogan
Alex Winter
Elijah C. Skuggs
Randy Quaid
Julie
Megan Ward
Ernie
Michael Stoyanov
George Ramirez #1
Eduardo Ricard
George Ramirez #2
Henry Carbo
George Ramirez #3
Deep Roy
Mihaly ‘Michu’ Meszaros
Kevin
Brian Brophy
Stewardess
Morgan Fairchild
Stuey Gluck
Alex Zuckerman
Toad Man
Jaime Cardriche
Bob Vila Look-A-Like
Nicholas Cohn
Worm
Derek McGrath
Nosey
Jeff Kahn
Cow-boy
John Hawkes
Bearded Lady
Mr T
Sockhead
Karyn Malchus
Sockhead (voice)
Bobcat Goldthwait
Eternal Flame
Lee Arenberg
Rosie the Pinhead
Patti Tippo
Frogman
Tim Burns
Editor
Don Stark
Clown
Arturo Gil
Cheese Wart
Gibby Haynes
Nun
Pamela Mant
Professor Nigel Crump
Joe Baker
Larry ‘Bud’ Melman
Calvert DeForest
Eye ‘n’ Eye
Michael Gilden
Joseph S. Griffo
Bill Blazer
Ray Baker
Biker
J.D. Silvester
Giant Stuey Monster
Jon M. Chu
Giant Rick Monster
Vincent Hammond
Ortiz the Dog Boy
Keanu Reeves

Director
Tom Stern
Alex Winter