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Kaliber

Back in the 1980s, Billy Connolly popped up on British TV screens in adverts which tried to convince us to drink beer. Not any old beer mind you, this was a new beverage from Guinness called Kaliber, an alcohol-free lager.

Which is quite possibly the stupidest invention ever.

Okay, so the idea was that you could go out and enjoy a drink without getting pissed and being unable to drive home.

The problem is – you might drink, say, a glass of low alcohol wine in order to savour it without getting bladdered. But nobody, repeat nobody, drinks lager to enjoy the flavour!

The main reason we guzzle the golden loopy juice is that we want to get wasted, go for a kebab and then have a fight over a taxi.

Alcohol-free lager is about as sensible as a sex-free brothel or oxygen-free air.